Mixed Feelings

I returned to Penn last night from a wonderful Thanksgiving break with mixed feelings. It was great to see my friends again and I love it here, but these next 3.5 weeks before Christmas break will be arduous to say the least. And it figures that now when I have the most to do all I want to do is sleep. I don't know if this is mono, but in being honest with myself, no one should require this much sleep. Last night I slept for about 7 hours on the train ride back, hung out with friends for a little while and was out by 11 for a full 11 hours of sleep that was difficult to come out of. I'll just have to plug through it I guess. It will be so satisfying if I can overcome this, do well on my exams, and look forward to a relaxing Christmas break and a fresh start with brand new classes in January.

When I'm having a bad day it's pictures like this that get me through. I can hardly contain my excitement to see Schubert. In fact, I may have to move off campus next year so that he can live with me....I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind.

Breakdown

I am fine with being let down by others. I can even deal with it when my body fails me and I feel ill. What I cannot stand is the betrayal of my own mind. On Tuesday night, after a long day of studying econ and feeling content that I understood everything as well as someone in an introductory econ class possibly could, I decided to go to bed relatively early. To my dismay, I was unable to sleep that night. This, of course, was made worse when I came to the realization that I wasn't falling asleep, and the harder I tried, the more evasive rest became. I literally got zero hours of sleep that night, and my midterm was on Wednesday evening. On Wednesdays, I have class from 9 AM-5PM with only enough breaks to allow for two hours of intermittent sleep throughout the day. My midterm was at 6PM, and by the time I was sitting in the massive lecture hall with the test and three blue books resting on the top of my annoying right-handed desk, I was nearly delirious with exhaustion. And this is where my brain failed me. I began looking at the first couple of multiple choice problems. I say looking, because I cannot call it reading; my eyes were perceiving symbols on a page but my brain was beyond the point of ordering the symbols into cogent phrases, let alone differentiate between monopolistic competition cost curves versus those of perfect competition. I became frantic-I should have understood everything on that test, but I simply could not do it. By the time the TA called time, a good 25% of the test was still blank with the remainder of the test consisted of varying degrees of incorrectness I'm sure. When I got back to my room, I broke down in tears for the first time since I've been here (excluding when my mom showed me the pictures she took of Schubert, but those were a different kind of tears). I can't explain it. There are many things in this world that I don't know, but I have never felt like I didn't have the capacity to understand or demonstrate my understanding of something before. I felt utterly helpless.
Thankfully, my friends dragged me out to concert later that night that turned out to be tons of fun. I danced and listened to two entertaining bands for over two hours-a great stress reliever. Although I am certainly in better spirits now (or I will be until am confronted with my econ grade), that experience made me so excited to go home. I have tons of work to do for the rest of the semester if I want to pull off good grades, and although I'm learning a lot, it is so frustrating sometimes. I want to be challenged. That's why I'm here. But I like to surmount challenges; they're not so satisfying when you fail them.

What happened to victory in Iraq?

More than three years after victory was first declared in Iraq, Americans are left thinking, "Now what?" We got rid of Saddam Hussein, but the Bush administration's narrow focus centered around deposing Hussein overwhelmed all clear thoughts as to how to replace the old government with a fully functional democracy satisfying for all dissident ethnic Iraqi groups. As a consequence, the battle rages on, and the debate among influential Americans continues around whether American troops should leave immediately, stay the course, or partition the Iraqi government into three separate democracies to eleviate the essential civil war that is ravaging the region. These are some pretty major issues to be discussing three years beyond victory. These are some pretty major issues that should have been discussed well before the invasion began. At this point the United States really has no choice other than to stay in the region in hopes of building Iraqi securtiy to the point of self-preservation. We bear a large part of the responsibility for the current instability in the region, and although the United States frequently enjoys screwing over other countries when it is in our self-interest only to leave them to clean up the mess we made, such a policy at this stage of the game in Iraq would be inappropriate at the least but more likely devastating.

Hollywood Environmentalists Killing the Environment

According to a recent study published by the Los Angeles Times, the Hollywood movie industry is one of the leading causes of pollution in the region. This news struck me as ironc, because Hollywood heavyweights are notorious for exerting their environmentally-friendly moral superiority over the rest of the world by driving trendy hybrid vehicles and making public statements in support of alternative energy. Apparently Hollywood believes that industrialists should be the only ones hampered by environmental regulation. After all, who else would advocate environmental protections if regulation led to the collapse of the American film industry? Probably people who have the credentials and authority to back their claims.

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

In one of my very first posts, I contended that I was pleasantly suprised by the lack of blatant wealthy snobbishness present on campus, assuming that such a presence would be a major downside to attending a school with a large affluent population. However, as students begin settling into their respective comfort zones, this attitude has become more prevalent. After now being exposed to this phenomenon, I would like to recount my previous sentiments by offering what would have been termed a "turn" in my old debate days on my initial argument. (It is referred to as a turn because it takes a fact that is generally thought to be bad and "turns" it into something good in a way that may not have been previously considered, or that defies normal conventions.) I have found that rather than adversley affecting my experience at school, such exposure has only enriched my appreciation for what I have.
The fact that I do not have a trust fund to pay for my education forces me to place greater value on the education I receive than some of my wealthier counterparts. I believe I have a greater understanding of my purpose here, because it is a sacrifice. I take no issue with the wealth of others; I simply do not envy the task of partaking in it when it is unearned. I earn my education everytime I open a book, complete an assignment, or study for a midterm. The constant link I draw between my productivity and the worth of my education is what will hopefully eventually set me apart from my peers for whom grades and performance are not as important to the practicality of an expensive degree.

Finally Returning to Separation of Powers

Although I am generally underwhelmed by the Democratic party on most issues, I couldn't be happier about their recent victories in both the House and Senate (with the possible exception of the fact that this will place Nancy Pelosi in the position of Speaker of the House.) The Republican party's control over all branches of government for the past several years has demonstrated the importance of separation of powers. During this time, the Republican party, consumed with power and the desire to retain it, has become a mechanism for intruding on the individual liberties of Americans while spending more unavailable government funds than even seemd rationally possible. Hopefully, a healthy power struggle between the President and Congress will return America to the system it is renowned for- a separation of powers that prevents any one branch (or party) from becoming too powerful.